I was originally going to write about outlet shopping 101 but decided to write about a much more serious subject instead. Whenever I start sharing the drama that I’m confronted with at home with friends, they completely understand and is usually always relatable to some aspect in their family as well. Drama is bound to happen and it’s natural. However, I do think that there are healthy arguments within that drama category which is the ideal ones to have, not some drama that is developed through bad parenting, negative surrounding influences, lack of education, and more. Ups and downs are okay but what kind of down is the right down and when does it get real problematic.
Again, like many subjects, I’m not an expert, so I may not cover every single aspect but they are solely my point of view and opinions which is derived from my own experiences and knowledge. Families can vary on so many levels, from the family structure to different personalities of family members. Endless possibilities can result from the dynamic, events, and everything that can cause the family to be different.
Tips for healthy family drama:
1. It all starts even when they’re small.
Even when the baby is not born yet, the couple has to be able to understand each other and the way they resolve conflicts in a healthy way. Knowing how to handle problems between the couple first can make it easier when a child comes along. Set goals and standards about parenting before the baby is born; who will be be the strict one, what if the kid grows up and desperate wants a toy; have fun what if scenarios and see if both parents agree on the same strategy to solving the problem. When they are young and developing in their early childhood, they’re influenced by both parents and start to learn to pick up on tricks to use, like going to the daddy for first hand approval of getting something small, asking the mommy for the favor if daddy’s mad. Kids are smart, they learn from the past.
2. Stay strong, consistent, and strict.
If you believe something, instill the values on your children and it will do them good in the long run, because lessons stick with them and they become stories and values they’ll follow by for the rest of their life. As a parent, keep consistent with your actions and lessons. It doesn’t make sense for you to tell your kids one thing but a week later, tell them something else that is not consistent with before. Consistency is the key to character presentation and others will notice if you’re not consistent with your words or flip flopping. It’s good to be strict, being too lax and accomodating is not the way to parenting. You’re their guidance, not their best friend. Don’t try to be a cool parent who is fine with everything, allowing kids to spit in public, drinking alone before the legal age, or even bullying other kids and many other negative behaviors that needs to be corrected before it’s too late.
3. You don’t do anything that you can’t bear to be the last things or actions that you do.
This is a life lesson but also one between parents and a child. Family can be a love hate relationship; you love them in the end of the day, but sometimes there is so much tension that you can’t stand another minute with them. When you’re fighting with your mom or dad, or even vice versa, don’t say mean things that you’ll regret. Words, once spoken, can never be taken back. Even after an apology, the other person still heard it and can remember it for a lifetime. If that fight you’re having with your kid about hurting her sister on purpose and out of sudden anger, you say harsh words and punish your kid for being stupid and dumb. If your kid happen to run out to the street and go through an accident, wouldn’t you regret what you have said? Would you want your words to be the last ones that they’ll remember? No matter who you are, be respectful of your own parents no matter what, because you have no idea how much they’ve done for you, more than you’ll ever know. We all have parents, guardians or mother/father figures that have helped us and guided us to adulthood and beyond. Even when we’re the most stressed, annoyed, unhappy, angry, keep in mind that you don’t want to hurt the ones who love you the most.
4. Resolve the issue and don’t let it carry its weight in the long term.
Whatever issue you’re having, sit down and calmly resolve it by talking it out. Have a talking spoon or talking pillow to pass back and forth so that whomever has the item gets to talk. Have a family member who is not related in the problem to be a mediator and be on both parties’ side to facilitate the discussion. If this sounds too serious, go out for a dinner a day after the event when both are calm and talk it out again, now this time with more maturity and calmness. Say, ” I felt like…when you….” or “‘I’m sorry if I…..but…..”. Stay away from harsh words and cursing, because arguments only get more and more intense and even violent from there. When issues are unresolved, it may seem okay in the short term if both parties forget about it and don’t feel the need to address it anymore, but the danger is that if similar situations arise, which it probably will in the future, this will get brought up again and escalate in the new problem. Develop a healthy way to resolve issues between family members.
5. Find family interest shared by everyone in family.
Knowing that common thing that is enjoyed by everyone in the family will do good in the long run. Is it playing instruments or watching horror movies or road tripping or going yard shopping? Whatever it may be, it is all about having bonding time with everyone even when kids grow older or parents being busier, if there’s an activity that all members enjoy, it’s used as a hook to always bring the family back together. Not only will memorable moments come out of it as a result, they will think about the times you’ve shared when they’re away from home or with friends. It’s the string that attaches them to the family.
“I like to see a home like this, a home connected with people’s thoughts and work, things they love.” ~Dewitt Bodeen
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